YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
