I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
