So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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