she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
