Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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