So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
