I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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