return my video game
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I puked a lego.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
