I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
