I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
