How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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