Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm at about main and main street
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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