how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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