I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
