The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my poor anus
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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