You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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