beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
