Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
ttyl tear gas
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
