Are we in a gay sports bar?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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