bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
