white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
