i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
