I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
