no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
