i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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