my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
a search helicopter?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
