can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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