A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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