I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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