took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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