ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
