He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
