I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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