She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
