If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
