this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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