the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
