real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
