Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
