if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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