i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
