no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
