I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
