Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
