Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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