I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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