she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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