i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
