If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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