you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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