Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
