omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How's work?
Spinning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
