she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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