so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
