if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize