Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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