there's paper in my vomit.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
