I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
