Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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