Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
