i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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