I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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