I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
