she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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