he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
