it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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