this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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