i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pooping to opera.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
