My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
