You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
