This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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