I skipped work to stalk him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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