Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
