im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
