I cannot find my penis.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
