If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
