Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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