The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
