Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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