I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
