I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
