In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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