you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
